The 7th Rule: The Absurdities of Obsequiousness

Chapter Fifty-Seven – To London Town He Went

Darcy gets to London and nothing happens for a few pages. Berdoll repeats some of the plotlines from the previous book and talks about how various servants gossiped about it, and it’s thoroughly uninteresting.

Then he walks around for a bit.

Chapter Fifty-Eight – Missed Missive

Nothing happens.

Chapter Fifty-Nine – The Mews

Nothing happens. Darcy does stuff in London. Then he gets home, and a dark figure awaits, who speaks in French! Holy shit, who could it be?

Chapter Sixty – Disharmony All Around

Nothing continues to happen. We do get some interesting phrases, like:

Darcy was quite used to the absurdities of obsequiousness (page 226).

We’ve moved forward in time to after Darcy was in London. Now he’s back with Elizabeth and the kids and Elizabeth is pissed off at him because he disapproved of possibly endangering their children. She gets angry, then says she wants a pint of ale. Darcy is somewhat astonished, he asks what’s wrong, she passive-aggressively yells at him, refuses to say what she’s actually mad about because obviously Darcy should know exactly what she’s pissed off about.

True love.

Chapter Sixty-One – Purgatory Holds On

So they get down to the pub and get a table and a couple pints of ale and Elizabeth starts throwing hers back and belches rather loudly and then they start chatting and are suddenly practically flirting with each other as Elizabeth gets drunker. So apparently she’s just forgotten about it, just like that. Well. That was simple.

Anyway, suddenly she freaks out about what happened and wants to go back to their rooms so they do and she promptly falls asleep and starts snoring, leaving Mr. Darcy sporting an enormous erection you couldn’t knock over with a hammer. Somewhat saddened, he steels himself and gets into bed.

Chapter Sixty-Two – Pitiful Ponies

B plot. It’s not interesting.

Chapter Sixty-Three – Chastened

Elizabeth wakes up with a raging hangover. Darcy feels bad for her so he gets her some water and helps her through it and at the end she realizes that she was kind of being a bitch and acting like a passive-aggressive middle schooler. So they make up and that’s that.

Chapter Sixty-Four – Home and other Disasters

Nothing happens for a few pages.

Finally, we get back to Darcy and Juliette, and get into Juliette’s carriage so they can’t be seen.

Chapter Sixty-Five – Reinvention

Wickham’s hair has turned white. He’s horrified at first, but finally decides he’s actually okay with it. He also does some digging with Mrs. Younge and find out that there really isn’t any warrants out for him and he’s been declared dead, so he figures he needs to create a new identity.

Chapter Sixty-Six – The Conjugal Crop

Darcy gets home from inspecting the grounds and rolls around looking for his wife. Eventually he gets into their room and a figure appears from the dark. She’s dressed in a cape, a hat, and her riding boots. And that’s it. Also, she’s holding a riding crop. Heeyooooo!

When she slapped it hard against the side of her boot, he dropped to one knee (page 248).

I guess they’re over the little tiff.

I do find it interesting that out of all the to-do Berdoll made about wanting to explore just what went on in the Darcys’ bedchamber, a great many of her sex scenes fade to black before anything really happens. Just what was Elizabeth going to do with the riding crop? Beat Darcy with it? Have Darcy beat her with it? Use it to sodomize each other? Inquiring minds want to know!

Chapter Sixty-Seven – The Sins of Gentlemen

And we’re back to Juliette and Darcy. In her carriage. She flirts with him. It doesn’t work. Finally she reveals that unfortunately she can’t leave her abusive relationship with her husband because she signed a contract that she can’t leave unless she can give him a son. And he can’t impregnate her. Finally she just comes out and asks him to father her child.

Darcy is slightly taken aback.

Chapter Sixty-Eight – The Course of True Love

Back to present day with Elizabeth and Darcy and the riding crop – oh, sweet, this isn’t going to be a fade to black sex scene. Score!
She apologizes and he wraps her in his arms and lifts her into bed. And takes her boots off. What the fuck, Darcy. You leave the boots ON. That’s why she was wearing them instead of being nekkid!

And then…gloriously, gloriously naked…he asks her the question:

He whispered, “How many ways can I please you?” (page 253)

Oh, this is going to be good, I can just feel it!

They have sex. Missionary position. Then they fall asleep.

I feel gypped.

Chapter Sixty-Nine – The Gift

A package arrives from London. In it is a small portrait Darcy had made…of their dead son. Apparently he had a painter paint it from Darcy’s memory. Elizabeth loves it. They tease each other for awhile and then they fuck.

Chapter Seventy – Whot?

Back to Darcy and Juliette. He’s astonished that he’s being asked to ejaculate inside Juliette’s vagina. After a couple moments, he collects himself and politely says no. She begs him. He says no again, collects his hat, and gets out of the carriage and walks away.

Juliette is miffed, but decides that it’s only a temporary setback and by god, she’s going to get Darcy to plant a bun in her oven!

She is delusional to the point of insanity.

Chapter Seventy-One – Closet Canoodle

Lydia comes to visit, people come over, and Elizabeth finds Lydia fucking Beecher in a closet. Then Lydia’s husband comes in and challenges Beecher to a duel. Elizabeth tells them there’ll be no talk of duels in the house and then politely and ceremoniously kicks them all out of her house.

Chapter Seventy-Two – Chatter Amongst the Chaps

Juliette’s husband gossips about their sex life. This makes Juliette dislike him. Even though she’s the one who’s attempting to cheat on him.

Chapter Seventy-Three – The Dog Will Have Its Day

Darcy tells Elizabeth what happened with Juliette. Sort of. He tells her about how she claimed her husband was abusing her and asked him for help. He leaves out the sperm donor request. Huh. I’m not sure why Darcy is telling her about this at all if he also has to lie to her about half of what happened.