Part Four


Amber and Cindy decide to climb onto a couple of pool lounges and get some sunbathing in. Unfortunately, neither of them are particularly adept at climbing aboard, and it takes a long time of struggling, and Amber falling off and hitting her head on the side of the pool before they can get settled.

The Politician ogles them, and they get out, face him, simultaneously take off their bikini tops, and toss them to him. They face him, still giggling madly, but now of course they’re covering the good bits with their hands.

Looking at them, I’m not sure why anyone believes they’re twins. Cindy is practically albino.

After a bit, they slowly back up into the pool. What, no touching? Worst gift ever. A moment later, Amber and Cindy are lying on their fronts sunbathing, in the same shot that was randomly inserted earlier in the movie. The Executive’s voiceover plays over this scene, repeating the same line about paying people in the legislature off…for some reason. Then…we get another shot of the girls giggling while covering their breasts. It’s the exact same shot as before. So…they took their tops off, giggled for a bit, got in the pool, sunbathed for awhile, then got out and stood covering their breasts, giggling, in the exact same position. …Why, precisely?

The Politician very slowly fills three glasses with champagne, holding the bottle about a foot over the glasses. This is interspersed with yet another copy of the same shot of the girls giggling, except this time there’s no sound.

We’re now back in the broken-down houses and meet a guy lying next to his wheelchair.

I’m not sure what’s going on with his eyes. He looks a bit like he was trying to dress up as a raccoon with some eye black, but passed out halfway through. Anyway, he struggles to get back into his wheelchair, and does a pretty good job acting, even though he very obviously uses his legs to push himself up a couple times. We’ll never find out why he was sleeping in a destroyed house, or even find out his name, so I’m just going to call him Wheels. Wheels wheels himself away.

Neil walks through a broken-down house, looking disinterested, and gazing off in the direction Wheels went, so I guess Neil is following him.

Wheels wheels himself up to the Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas sign and runs into a man. It’s pretty unconvincing, because both actors are looking right at each other, timing the collision, and either of them could easily have avoided the other if they wanted. The man is not happy, and shoves the wheelchair over [!]. Everyone glances back at him, silently approves of assaulting cripples, and look away. Neil, however, strides into frame, grabs the man by the shoulder, and says “That’s just not right.”

Neil does his best to give the guy a dramatic look, his hand glows, and then this happens.

Weeping bleed comes merely from a derangement of the tear duct. Nothing sinister.

That’s right! Don’t fuck with people in wheelchairs, or an alien being will make you bleed out of your eyes.

The guy with the bleeding eyes runs off, and none of the bystanders think this is particularly curious. Neil waves his glowing hand again, and four people walking towards the sign freeze into place, although one of the woman is particularly bad at holding still. I’m really not sure why Neil is freezing everyone. What, they’re not able to look at the sign if there are other spectators around?

Neil pushes Wheels up to the sign. Wheels explains that “cancer chemo” is kicking his ass, he only has a month left to life, and he wanted to see the sign before he died. Now, I’m not going to sit here and pretend to know how people should spend their last moments, but really, Wheels? The Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas sign?

This is what you desperately wanted to see before you die?

Neil pushes Wheels away, and after they pass everyone becomes un-frozen, although they don’t start moving at the exact same time. C’mon. How hard would it be to have someone standing off-screen cueing everyone?

We head back to the Gangster’s Paradise, where everyone is standing awkwardly in the street, pretending to have conversations and casually holding their plastic replica automatic weapons. I have to wonder if Breen really thinks gangs hang out this way, openly brandishing illegal automatic weapons in the street in broad daylight while shooting the shit with politicians and corporate executives. Sure, he’s a white Las Vegas real estate agent, and I’m sure he’s never been on the streets in his life, but hasn’t he ever watched The Sopranos or read a book on organized crime?

We get a few shots of the Politician handling one of the automatic weapons, with poorly dubbed sounds to try and disguise the fact the weapon is plastic. Big Ears walks out of the destroyed house to stand next to the leader, even though in the previous shot he was already standing next to the leader.

A couple gang members get into a very poorly choreographed fight, which involves Gang Member A taking a swing (which very clearly misses) at Gang Member B, who then runs around behind Gang Member A, grabs him in a choke hold, and forces him to his knees. Everyone there is delighted by this display of random violence and cheers them on (including the Politician, Executive, and the Lawyer). Gang Member B pulls out a knife and menaces him with it.

Whether you're chopping vegetables or slashing wrists, CutCo knives are for you!

After a bit a voice says “Stop fuckin’ around. Leave him alone. We have business to do.” The voice was quite clearly dubbed in afterwards and it actually sounds a bit like Neil himself, even though Neil’s character is not present during this scene.

We suddenly cut forward. Maraud is introducing Eric to the exec and the lawyer. Apparently Eric is their European distributor. Eric explains that can get them anything they want. Wait, doesn’t that make him their European procurer?

The actor playing Eric sounds like he’s putting on a really bad Korean accent. I’m not sure if the actor is just really bad at accents or if he actually talks that way in real life.

The exec, lawyer, and politician all tell Eric they’re looking forward to working with him, which would be great if this scene had any relevance to the plot of this movie, but it doesn’t. Finally, Maraud announces that their organization is worldwide, and they’ll kill anyone who gets in their way.

Moving right along, we cut to Maraud and Cindy standing face-to-face in the destroyed house. Maraud slowly slides one of the spaghetti straps of Cindy’s shirt over her shoulder, to her obvious discomfort. 

Not my spaghetti straps!

Fortunately for Cindy, Big Ears interrupts them and says they need to leave immediately. He hands Maraud a cell phone. Maraud listens to the phone for about a second and a half and he and Big Ears hurry away. We cut away to a gang member angrily asking another gang member where his drugs are, and then go back to Cindy, who is relieved that Maraud is gone. Apparently, she’s fine with having twincest sex with old corrupt politicians for money, but not okay with getting it on with her younger and far more attractive pimp.

Gazing morosely off into space, Cindy says that she can’t do this because of how much she loves her baby. We then cut over to Amber, standing just around the corner doing her best coked-out whore impression, and in this case, the actress actually nails it, which makes me wonder how much acting is actually going on. Amber says that once Cindy is high, she won’t remember a thing except for how much money she’s making. I guess that’s a good thing…

We cut over to Neil who’s sitting inside his stolen truck pretending to look around and be busy. The editing is pretty poor here and does nothing to set up a sense of location, but I think Neil is supposed to be watching Wheels wheel himself across the street, right in front of a car that screeches to a halt to avoid hitting him. The car, as it so happens, is being driven by a couple gang members. Neil whips around the corner and pulls up alongside. Big Ears and ShittyHaircut whip out their pistols and aim them at Neil. Neil tells them that they’re worthless and waves his glowing hand through the air. Wow, Neil, that’s kinda harsh. Maybe they had rough childhoods!

The gangsters immediately start bleeding out of their eyes and noses.

And, just like the guy at the Welcome to Las Vegas sign, they immediately start screaming in pain and terror, wondering why the fuck they are bleeding out of their eyes. Actually no. That would make sense. Instead, they just sit there. Staring at Neil while they bleed out of their eyes. Neil gives them one last look before driving off, and Wheels rolls himself away. We get one last shot of the bleeding gangsters staring out of their window – at nothing, now, and finally the scene ends.

We get a long, panning shot of a building in Las Vegas, stock footage of wind turbines, and finally pan over to three people standing in front of a nondescript office building – a short-haired woman, Amber, and a pudgy guy. The woman tells Amber they have to lay her off. Amber can’t believe that ‘they’ could let it happen, because sustainable energy systems are the future! That’s right. Cindy turned to a life of prostitution after getting fired, but Amber has been juggling the two at the same time. I had no idea that a drug-addicted hooker would actually be an environmental activist by day, but shame on me for stereotyping, I guess.

The woman explains it’s all about the money, and the pudgy guy adds, in a gasping, wheezing voice that makes me think he’s about to drop dead of lung cancer, that it’s all about corporate greed. Just in case you haven’t gotten the Very Special Message of this movie.

Amber angrily says that ‘they’re’ lying, and it’s just like cancer, which they could cure if they wanted to. The pudgy guy adds that it’s more profitable not to find any cures, and in this shot, I’m certain the actor is reading his lines off cue cards.

The short-haired woman tells Amber she’s very sorry for the second time, and turns and walks away, revealing that this is the exact same building that Cindy was fired in front of, so I guess the sisters actually work for the same company. I do wonder what kind of company fires employees while they’re standing outside the building. Don’t they usually do that in the HR offices?

We cut forward to Amber and her boyfriend, Aron, sitting next to a pond in a park. Amber rants about how she won’t be able to find another job and how the politicians just don’t care. Aron looks pretty bored, but maybe that was just a character choice, as I would probably be bored if my girlfriend was ranting about sustainable energy systems.

"I'm starting to feel like Neil didn't choose me for this role because of my acting abilities."

Amber lists off what the government should be doing and ends by wailing about how passionate she is about environmental activism, which would be a lot more believable if Amber had spent any time actually working on or promoting renewable energy instead of hooking her sister up with her pimp and doing drugs.

Turns out Aron is unemployed as well, but he reassures Amber that they’ll think of something. Then he hands her a joint. As Amber takes a hit, we hear her thinking about how she’ll become a full-time hooker/stripper, but she’ll tell Aron she got a job at the mall. We then hear Aron thinking about how he’ll become a car thief, and tell Amber he got a part-time job at the factory. Ah, young love. What won’t they do for each other?

Amber and Aron walk away and pass by Neil, who’s sitting on a park bench looking bored. This is Neil’s default expression, so I wouldn’t read too much into it.

Amber stops to look at him, then does a double take a few seconds later because she thinks she knows him. They keep walking, we get a quick shot of Neil on the bench, then a baby doll head sticking out of the sand [??]. Then there’s a shot of Neil sleeping in the bed of the pickup truck, which is out in the desert. Wait, what is going on? Is this supposed to be a flashback?

We get a shot of Amber lying naked in bed with the blankets creatively covering her asscrack…and suddenly she and Neil are in bed, gazing into each other’s eyes.

That awkward moment in bed when you realize the other person has no idea what they're doing.

They’re not actually having sex…they’re just lying there gazing into each other’s eyes. This goes on for about fifteen seconds, just awkwardly lying there looking at each other…and then this happens:

That awkward moment in bed when you realize the other person is a green-skinned alien.

Surprisingly, Amber isn’t weirded out that the man in bed with her suddenly changed into a creepy green-skinned alien that is currently rubbing noses with her. Although, considering she is a prostitute, this is probably not the weirdest thing she’s done in bed.

And that’s all they do. The alien rubs his nose against Amber’s and then rubs his upper lip against Amber’s nose while she lies there passively, looking not nearly as squicked out as I feel, which I guess is testament to Joy Senn’s acting skill.

After about ten seconds of this we’re back to Neil on top of Amber, and Breen is shifting his head around awkwardly like he’s trying to think of something to say. We get about ten seconds of Neil on top…and then we cut back to the exact same shot of the alien on top while they rub noses. Surprisingly, Amber seems to have a lot more chemistry with Neil when he’s wearing the alien mask than when he doesn’t.

We cut back to the shot of Amber on the bed and now Neil is slowly backing away from her. He’s shirtless, and it is not a good look on him.

I'm truly sorry.

I’m not saying all men look like typical Hollywood actors, but if you don’t and you’re in a movie, for the love of God, leave your shirt on. And what’s with the mom jeans?

Neil backs away and he and Amber hold a very long, dramatic gaze. Then the alien face and Amber hold a very long, dramatic gaze. Finally Neil grabs his shirt and leaves the room, presumably never to call her again, and we cut back to Neil asleep in the back of the pickup truck. Okay, I assume that this was meant to be a flashback of some kind, but I’m failing to see the significance. So Neil comes to Earth occasionally to clean up the system and sleep with prostitutes environmental activists?

Part Five