Crabs: The Human Sacrifice

 

Words cannot do the cover of this book justice. However, I will do my best. It displays an enormous crab holding a knife in its claw, about to stab a beautiful and probably virginal young woman to death…instead of using its enormous claws.

Crabs: The Human Sacrifice was written by Guy N. Smith, a man who possesses one of the most poorly written Wikipedia pages I have ever read. Apparently, he’s married to Jean, and he writes non-fiction soft porn children’s literature, which is a niche market if I’ve ever heard one.

This particular book is the sixth in a series of books about horrifying murderous crabs. I haven’t read any of the previous books and I have no intention of doing so, but I doubt it will effect this particular sporking. I’m not sure what Smith was going for with this novel, but it probably doesn’t require a minute knowledge of the previous five crustacean-themed books. At any rate, this entry is about crabs and kinky sex. Lots of it. Who knew that crabs and sex went hand in hand?

Final note: this book was given to me by one of my friends who knows I spork poorly written books and thought I should take a stab at this one. A gentle hint to anyone who has suggestions for me…

  • Anonymous

    No, not non-fiction softcore children’s literature…you forgot the commas. Non-fiction, softcore, and children’s literature. The other one sound disgusting, like someone publishing a book like a child’s first dry-hump manual.

  • Rorschach

    That was kind of the point. The Wikipedia article was missing the commas when I originally wrote this article.

  • Rorschach

    That was kind of the point. The Wikipedia article was missing the commas when I originally wrote this article.

  • Anonymous

    Really? My apologies then … I thought perhaps you had just skimmed it really quick. Although perhaps it can be taken as a challenge… See if you can write and get published a book of non-fiction softcore porn children’s literature. Oh wait, someone did, it was the guy who wrote that book about being a pedophile on Amazon who got arrested in Florida for distribution of obscene material over state lines. So nevermind, it’s not only in poor taste, but now it’s unoriginal.

    http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/author-pedophiles-guide-arrested-obscenity-charges/story?id=12440853

  • Rorschach

    I own a copy of that book, and I’m debating whether or not to spork it.

  • Anonymous

    Somehow I think people might fell a bit weird laughing at anything having to do with that book. Spork, maybe not. Eviscerate, sure.

  • Marion Freeman

    … how did you obtain a copy and how awkward was it?